Year 1420 – 5th Month
I didn’t think I was ever going to write a single thought down on paper again. Through some stroke of cruel fate, our meager party managed to survive the onslaught long enough for another cadre of Inquisitors to find us. Apparently the local temple had received word of our disappearance and dispatched their men to locate us, or at least our corpses. I still can’t believe Lyris is dead, and I’m partially to blame. It’s not the first time I’ve lost men on an excursion, but damn it I’ve never lost a dear friend this way.
Year 1420 – 6th Month
Ever since Lyris died, I can’t feel much of anything. I know I should grieve, cry, something. I can’t.
I’ve started having night terrors and haven’t gotten much sleep as of late. The mother acolyte says she’s worried for my health if I don’t get proper rest but it doesn’t stop. Every night whenever I close my eyes, all I see are those that fell. I see them as they once were, like it all was a bad joke, and then I see them slain in pools of their own blood. I suppose they call it survivor’s guilt, but why now? We all know the risks when we are trained in the church, we all accept that death could happen at any time. Many people I know have died and it never gets any easier, but the dreams never happened like this before and they’re unrelenting.
Year 1420 – 6th Month
[The handwriting is nearly illegible and erratic]
It’s been a week and a half since I’ve had a decent sleep. I’ve lost most of my appetite and can only get what seems like an hour at a time of sleep. My superiors have suspended my duties and placed me on bedrest until I seem fit again. I feel like death. They gave me some sort of tonic to soothe my nerves, hope it works.
Year 1421 – 1st Month
I haven’t written in a while, it was too painful to open this journal and see the last few entries. I’ve been sent back to the convent. They felt it was in my best interest to not be on the hunts for a while, so they’ve had me help in the teaching of new clerics and acolytes in the tenants of Nephtas. It is calming work and the nightmares have slowed, I only have them every so often now and things seem to be normalizing. My days are usually busy, so it may be a while before I get a chance to write here again.
Year 1421 – 4th Month
I’ve been spending much of my days watching the other clerics and inquisitors leave on their quests while I am left behind to teach. While the nightmares have mostly passed, I feel as though my purpose is lost. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about hanging up my emblem and leaving the church. I could make my way back north to Tur and try to find my mother’s clan and spend the rest of my days as a simple warrior, if they would have me at all. I don’t know what my brothers and sisters in the cloth would say about these thoughts of mine, but really I don’t want to know.
Year 1421 – 5th Month
That fool Hansfelt returned to us today, his unit had been on mission when they were beset by bandits thinking them a simple caravan of travelers. While there were not any losses on their side, he was badly wounded and they were forced to turn back to seek aid. The wound was quite a sight, a bad cut to his leg that had been both poisoned and infected by their return. The acolytes weren’t sure if they were going to be able to save his leg, but I lent my assistance as best I could and he managed to beat out the illness in the end. They say he will walk again, but given the severity of the damage, he will likely not do so at the ranks of the Inquisition. For now I’ve been assigned to overlook his recuperation, he’s healing but he’s not done just yet.